Hell weekend

This has been a weekend from hell.  Yesterday and the later part of Saturday were the worst days of my life. There was yelling an upheaval at home again.  It is a sad state of affairs.  We were planning on dinner out and had reservations for 7:30.  One of our kids said they didn't want to go.  That was it, that was the catalyst for misery.  My husband began a rant and rave session of epic proportions.  He called me and our child names and hurled obscenities every which way.  He threated to destroy our child's room.  My son stayed in his room for hours which is smart.  Stay out of his way as much as possible especially when he is in a MOOD.  Oh he is just sooo moody! Pussy!!

His brain is not well.  He has issues.  I am not a therapist but I can say with 100% confidence that he needs to seek professional help.  Hey, I do too but I'm not a raving lunatic. 

How do you behave in such a manner in front of your kids?  How would anyone want their kids to see, hear and be part of that or be the cause of that behavior?  I don't understand it.  I am not perfect but I really want my kids childhood to be as free of trauma as possible. 

I hate this fucking guy.  He is a fucking asshole, he has self confidence issues which I know is the basis for why he belittles others.  It's his issue but he makes it mine.  I have to stick up for our kids because who will if I don't? 

He said that 'if you think you look old now, wait'.  He said that he is not going to do a thing, not lift a finger to help me.  That for all intents and purposes I am going to be a single mother.  I will do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.  He said you better get on it...the chores. The shopping, make lunches etc. I don't have a problem with that.  So I went to the stores, made dinner and the lunches.  Did dishes and laundry, took out the dog and cursed him a thousand time in my head.

Fuck you dick wad.  Under my breath I call him every name in the book.  He does the same to me except out loud.

I picture a bullet ripping through his demented brain and splattering everywhere in a grotesque pattern of blood, bone and brain.  I would never do this but it's fun to imagine.  I don't want him dead.  I am biding my time.  I am waiting for the day simply to honestly tell him how I feel.  He will not like it.  Awwwww.