Spooky

I love fall and Halloween.  Love spooky, scary and creepy.  I found this ad for Dia de Los Muertos fashion that I think is way cool.  Very unattainable due to the astronomical price tags but still fun to look at.  Very colorful.

Booked

Last December I decided I would read one book a month, so 12 books for the year.  I have just finished my 30th book, Station Eleven. "30 books?" you say.  "You have a lot of time on your hands, girl!"  No, I really don't.  I find reading two at a time works pretty well as long as they are different genres thereby being less likely to be compared too closely.  It's easy to read a horror story and a book about a family going through some issues.  For example, currently I'm reading The Bird Eater and The Virgin Suicides.

 

 

Smile

I may have mentioned that I really enjoy the little things in life.  A nice cup of tea, seeing a hawk in the sky, finding a sweet vintage-looking sweater for 99cents.  That's what I'm talkin' about!!  Little stuff that makes you smile.  Also I enjoy reading some of the Yelp! reviews I've posted over time.  One in particular is really funny and I'm laughing right now.  See?  I told you, the little things.  Yeah it may be boring and 'gay' but I don't give a shit.  It helps me get through things.

Animals

I have a dog and he is very special to me.  Not a revelation as a lot of people love their animals.  I find that when you look into the eyes of an animal -a god (Freudian slip) a dog you are looking at pure innocence.  They are truly special and gentle beings.

Hell Day

So Monday was another day from hell at my house.  I got bitched out like you wouldn't believe.  The computer is not working - the desktop.  The laptop is fine so we are not off the grid.  I got called every name in the book including a new one:  old bag.  Of course the standard 'cunt' was thrown in for good measure just to make sure that I got the message.  Oh and also I was told that if I don't give him 'divorce papers I'm going to kill you.'  I know you think I'm a dumb ass but I'm not doing either of those things - getting divorced or being murdered.  I am not getting a divorce until my kids are older.  I know, I know, I know.  I am just telling you this because I can't keep it inside indefinitely and also that if you have it better than this than that's a good thing.  I swear, I hope I live till my daughter marries.  I want to be around to see how she is treated because if she's treated like crap I will go off.  I think that's the thing that I'm most bothered by - that I have no one 'to take my side; no one to stick up for me'. I really would like that.  I do have a brother but we are not close at all and it's been many years since we've seen each other. 

Back to the computer.  He, for some reason is not into using the laptop.  I offered to hook up a wireless mouse and a keyboard but he damn near had a stroke over that.  Literally he was so off the charts bat-shit crazy that he had to go to bed.  Fuck you!  Go the fuck to bed you fucking sorry excuse for a human. I was told that I had to stay home from work yesterday and sort it all out - the computer stuff.  I was told to get on the phone with Microsoft and bitch and complain and get something for free from them because of the Windows 10 screw up.  Well I didn't do that because it would have been a waste of time.  I did go to Geek Squad and they told me that the computers -one we used everyday and the other is one with xp on it..so older- are old and should be replaced because Windows 10 doesn't support the wifi card we use (cisco).  Really a fiasco.  But it's ok because again, we have a laptop and our phones so we are good for the time being.  We'll get a new desktop or another laptop soon. 

The worst part of this is the emotional pain.  Oh wait!  I forgot to say that Monday when he was going off on me and literally yelling at the top of his lungs, cursing and lunaticing - the door was open so God knows who heard him and now thinks he's a fucking head case.  I thought that was amusing.

Gotta love those birds

I love birds.  I think they are the most (well not the most, but up there) amazing and interesting animals.  I especially love Stellar Jays and am lucky to be in an area where there are so many of them along with many other kinds of birds from the regular old but very cute American Robin to hawks and eagles and woodpeckers and herons!

Hell weekend

This has been a weekend from hell.  Yesterday and the later part of Saturday were the worst days of my life. There was yelling an upheaval at home again.  It is a sad state of affairs.  We were planning on dinner out and had reservations for 7:30.  One of our kids said they didn't want to go.  That was it, that was the catalyst for misery.  My husband began a rant and rave session of epic proportions.  He called me and our child names and hurled obscenities every which way.  He threated to destroy our child's room.  My son stayed in his room for hours which is smart.  Stay out of his way as much as possible especially when he is in a MOOD.  Oh he is just sooo moody! Pussy!!

His brain is not well.  He has issues.  I am not a therapist but I can say with 100% confidence that he needs to seek professional help.  Hey, I do too but I'm not a raving lunatic. 

How do you behave in such a manner in front of your kids?  How would anyone want their kids to see, hear and be part of that or be the cause of that behavior?  I don't understand it.  I am not perfect but I really want my kids childhood to be as free of trauma as possible. 

I hate this fucking guy.  He is a fucking asshole, he has self confidence issues which I know is the basis for why he belittles others.  It's his issue but he makes it mine.  I have to stick up for our kids because who will if I don't? 

He said that 'if you think you look old now, wait'.  He said that he is not going to do a thing, not lift a finger to help me.  That for all intents and purposes I am going to be a single mother.  I will do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.  He said you better get on it...the chores. The shopping, make lunches etc. I don't have a problem with that.  So I went to the stores, made dinner and the lunches.  Did dishes and laundry, took out the dog and cursed him a thousand time in my head.

Fuck you dick wad.  Under my breath I call him every name in the book.  He does the same to me except out loud.

I picture a bullet ripping through his demented brain and splattering everywhere in a grotesque pattern of blood, bone and brain.  I would never do this but it's fun to imagine.  I don't want him dead.  I am biding my time.  I am waiting for the day simply to honestly tell him how I feel.  He will not like it.  Awwwww.

Just to remind myself, this blog isn't solely a bitch session.  I fully intend to comment on stuff I like and make note of things I think about and how I feel.  Here's something.  I was driving home yesterday and the sun was out and the sky was blue behind the clouds and I was listening to 'Heard it in a Love Song' by The Marshall Tucker Band.  When that song came out back in the day I didn't like it-it was too soft, not rockin' enough.  Dang, things sure do change.  I not only listened to it on the radio but then pulled it up on YouTube and listened again on the radio via my phone.  I also listened to it again this morning at work.  I love it now.  Guess I got off the subject.  That short driving incident was very nice.  I was so happy.  I love that.  See I don't have to have it all: stuff, money, etc.  For me it's the little things -a nice cup of tea and the birds eating the peanuts I put out for them.

Marshall Tucker Band - Heard it in a Love Song

Me Tarzan, you Suck

Hi and welcome. I thought it high time to get into the blog thing as I have a lot of stuff that should get out and if someone reads it - great.  If someone laughs or it helps them in some way then awesome.

I am in a dysfunctional relationship in my home with my husband.  I am not a clinician but I think that he needs professional help or rather professional help would help him.  I also have children and am trying to make life for them the best possible.  This includes being the submissive one, my husband being the dominant one - the MAN the BREADWINNER, the BOSS.  HA.  I also work outside the home but it is his income that is 'so much more and worked for so much harder' than I ever have.  I hear this from him from time to time about how I don't make a lot of money and how I should look for a second job blah blah blah.